Oh Christmas Tree...

So Wendy says it's time to get out the Christmas tree and get it up....I like the Christmas tree as much as the next guy, but I hate setting it up. I tried to resist, saying it was a little early for that, to which I got the look....So dutiful guys that we are, my son and I trudged (which is the same as walking, only kind of defeated) out to the baby barn last night to find the tree. It was in the very back, behind three bicyles, a lawn mower, a snowblower, 4 winter tires, three or four rakes and shovels, and numerous other things too many to mention.

The tree was in a big plastic crate that we got from someone once the cardboard box it came in fell to pieces. We dragged it into the house and set it up, noticing a peculiar odor as we did it, but didn't think too much about it.

Got it up, hollared to Wendy that it was up and retreated to my computer room to blog. She started screaming about 10 minutes later that there was "Something in the tree"

Sure enough, when she started unfolding the branches, a big old nest was tucked into the branches, probaby a rat or squirrel, and I am leaning toward rat. Fortunately the occupant had already vacated, all that was left was the nest, which was a mixture of paper, and stuffing from a chair, that kind of material. I took the vacuum and sucked it the hell out of there....

"There ya go!" I said to Wendy, who was hiding in the kitchen by then, "All Gone, nothing to worry about."

It was then that the smell hit me....it stunk...the heat from inside the house was turning the tree to a terrible, awful, nauseating strong smell....."Bring the Febreeze" I shouted to Wendy, "The tree needs a freshening up."

Yah...well...in the morning as I headed off to work, I passed the tree, the smell hit me like a baseball bat. I think it was worse. I grabbed my coat and headed for the car. In the car I swear I could smell it on my coat...It didn't get much better as the day went on, each time I put the coat on, I could smell it...I had left my coat on a chair beside the tree all night, the smell had gotten into the fabric.

Wendy called me at work this afternoon to tell me my half of the bill is $150.00

"Huh? $150 for what?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"For your half of the new Christmas tree I bought this afternoon." The old one is out in the driveway. Deal with it."

I suggested we put a sign on it, "Take Me" saying "Maybe a poor family will come and get it and have a nice Christmas."

"If they do they will come back later and put a rock through your window" my son said, while Wendy added, "You should be nice to people who are not as fortunate as us."

"I'm trying to be." I said, "It's Christmas."

Long story short...if you want a Christmas tree, don't come to us, ours is in the garbage.....so is my coat.....